Anti-Trump biggotry

I'm glad I don't live in the USA - it must be the worst place in the world to live: their president is a nutter - he's building a wall for 3000 miles between them and Mexico!

To keep the Americans in, I assume. To stop them from escaping.

Er, no - to stop the Mexicans getting into America.

But you said America was the worst place in the world to live. Is Mexico even worse then?

Er, I suppose it must be . . . .

Then why aren't you campaigning against THEIR president instead?

Er . . .

Should you listen to UKIP? Should you listen to the church?

Abortion

A young lady visits the doctor . . .

I want you to kill my baby please.

That’s a horrible thing to say. Why?

He’s inconvenient. It’s not the right time for me to have a baby. I cannot cope. My social life will be ruined. My boyfriend will not support me. Life’s just terrible.

I’m afraid I shall have to report your feelings to social services and the police. How old is the baby?

15 weeks.

I’m sorry, but as a doctor I must think of the child. It is my job to preserve life, not to kill.

But please don’t report me – I came to you for help.

Where is the child now?

Still inside me of course. Life begins at conception. I’m 15 weeks pregnant.

Oh, I see! That’s different. A week on Tuesday OK for the termination?

Gay marriage

The passing of the gay marriage act

Hurray! Now we can all marry whoever we want!

Great news! I’ll marry Carol Vorderman, then.

But she’s already married.

But you just said we can marry whoever we want.

Oh. Well, what I meant was: we can all marry whoever we want as long as they’re not already married to someone else.

OK. Not Carol Vorderman, then. I’ll marry Nigella Lawson.

How do you know Nigella Lawson?

I’ve never even met her, but you just said we can marry whoever we want as long as they’re not already married to someone else.

Well, what I meant was: we can all marry whoever we want as long as they’re not already married to someone else, AND you know them (and they want to marry you).

OK. Not Nigella Lawson either. I know - I’ll marry my sister.

You can’t marry your sister.

Go on – why not?

OK. We can all marry whoever we want as long as they’re not already married to someone else, and you know them, and they want to marry you, AND you’re not a close relative.

Hold on! You’re already married!

So?

Right. Listen. We can all marry whoever we want as long as they’re not already married to someone else, and you know them, and they want to marry you, and you’re not a close relative, and you’re not already married.

So we can’t actually marry whoever we want?

No, I suppose not.

I thought it was all so simple now!

Evolution II

Ok - I think I understand it now. Each species evolves as an improvement over its predecessor. Or, at least, no worse than its predecessor.

Yes, that's it.

So, a predecessor of the cheetah, let's call it cheetah-minus-1, was not as fast a runner. But the fastest of them were better at reproducing, because they caught more prey, got the best food, and generally impressed the girl (or boy) cheetah-minus-1s.

Yes

So over the generations, the cheetah-minus-1 evolved into the faster cheetah that we have today.

That's it, yes.

I think I understand!

Hooray!

So the panda, which is on the verge of extinction because it is so bad at reproducing, evolved from a panda-minus-1, which was just as bad or even worse?

Er, yes.

And the panda-minus-1 evolved from a panda-minus-2, which was just as bad or even worse. And the panda-minus-2 evolved from a panda-minus-3, which was just as bad or even worse. And so on, going back over millions of years to the very start of life on earth, successive species, each just as bad as the panda at reproducing, or actually worse than the panda?

Er . . .

It makes you wonder how they've survived so long, doesn't it.

Evangelical Andy avoids tricky questions

Evolution

Ok - I think I understand it now. Darwin saw very similar finches on neighbouring islands, but each island had different kinds of nut trees, and the finch beaks were adapted for the particular nuts.

Yes, that's it.

So, originally, a load of finches live on one of the islands, and eat the nuts there.

Yes

And at some point, a few of them fly to a neighbouring island, or get blown there in a storm or whatever.

Yes

Their beaks evolve so they can eat the nuts on the new island.

That's right.

So eventually there are two species, very similar, but on adjacent islands and with different beaks.

Yes

I think I understand!

Hooray!

Just one thing.

Yes?

Whilst they were evolving on their new island home, what did they eat?

Er . . .

Je Suis Charlie

Christians and Atheists

Why would an atheist try to convince their loved one to stop believing?

TV comedian and atheist Dara O Briain recently spent time on one of his panel shows explaining how he had attempted to convince his devoutly Catholic father that he was wrong to believe.

I wondered why. What are the possible consequences of success and failure?

Dara is a scientist, having studied Theoretical Physics at UCD in Dublin. He must surely have weighed up the consequences of his actions before speaking to his father.

Possible Result #1
Dara fails - his father retains his faith - Dara is correct and God does not exist.
Result: his father dies happy and content in his ignorance, and blinks out of existence

Possible Result #2
Dara fails - his father retains his faith - Dara is wrong and God does exist.
Result: his father dies happy and content in his faith, and goes to heaven

Possible Result #3
Dara succeeds - his father renounces his faith - Dara is correct and God does not exist.
Result: his father dies dejected and miserable for having wasted all that time at church, and blinks out of existence

Possible Result #4
Dara succeeds - his father renounces his faith - Dara is wrong and God does exist.
Result: his father dies dejected and miserable for having wasted all that time at church, and then has to face the almighty and explain himself

I ask again - why would an atheist try to convice their loved one to stop believing?
Whether God exists or not, no possible reason other than to win an argument, which they think is more important than the feelings, and possible post-death destination, of the loved one.

How utterly utterly selfish!

What should we do with Muslim extremists?

What we should do with Muslim extremists:

Simple: preach the Gospel of Christ to them, to try and convert them to Christianity!
If we succeed, they will stop being violent, and start doing good.
Even if they become Christian extremists, all they will do is run a food bank or open a soup kitchen for the homeless!

Who would object to this policy?

Not "real" muslims, who say that the terrorists are not real muslims. After all, it shouldn't matter to them whether these 'non-muslims' are Christians or atheists or anything else.

Not atheists / liberals / muslim apologists. After all, it shouldn't matter to them whether they are Christians or muslims - they think all believers are deluded fools.

Not those of other faiths. After all, it shouldn't matter to them whether they are Christians or muslims.

Of course Christians wouldn't object.

The only possible opponents of such a policy are those who support the Islamisation of western society.

Let's suggest this, and see who objects!

A free Palestine?

"FREE PALESTINE"

This is the cry we hear from various quarters, including famously in 2014, the England cricketer and self-confessed Muslim, Moeen Ali.

Supporters of the "Free Palestine" cause come from two distinct camps.
Firstly, there is the western liberal, pro-equality, anti-war, pro-education, pro-democracy camp.
Secondly, there are the militant Islamic, violently anti-Jew, anti-American bigots who want to establish an Islamic Caliphate across the middle east, and see Israel as a Western influenced buffer zone, requiring destruction.

Well, I have good news for those from Camp #1! A Free Palestine already exists! It is a multi-party, liberal democracy with religious freedom and gender equality built into its constitution, and an inclusive parliamentary democracy that is so successful, a party only needs 5% of the vote to get an MP.
'Where is this vision of PC-correctness?' you cry. It is right there - it's called Israel! But you cannot reject this perfect vision of statehood simply because you don't like the name can you? That would be the biggest case of 'cutting off your nose to spite your face' in history! Israel has more democratically elected Arab MPs than any other country in the world - about 20% of the parliament!

Of course, you may have a deep down feeling that, despite these easily verifiable facts, you are still opposed to the existance of Israel! Perhaps you need to consider if you actually belong to Camp #2!

Temple Mount

According to the BBC, the Palestinians are regarding the temporary closure of access to Temple Mount as a declaration of war!
See http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-middle-east-29828547
This is a little hypocritical, given the Palestinian’s attacks on, and attempted destruction of, Jewish holy sites such as the Tomb of Rachel and the Tomb of Joseph, amongst many others, in the West Bank area. The truth is that the holy Muslim sites on Temple Mount have been preserved and protected by the state of Israel as part of its constitutional guarantee of religious freedom. How many Muslim states have that? In many, possession of a bible is a criminal offence!
It’s also a bit late! The Middle East is divided between Arabs and Jews – the Arabs get 27 out of 28 countries, and an area about that of Western Europe whilst the Jews get one country, about the size of Wales – and the Arab countries have all been formally at war with Israel since 1948 (except for a couple that have signed peace deals since). The fact that the Palestinians are not formally at war is an admission that they do not regard themselves at a state, and, of course, evidence that there was no active concept of a Palestinian state until the late 1960’s. In the 1947/48 war, the Arab countries were fighting not for the Palestinians, but for the Jordanians (the Hashemite Kingdom of Trans-Jordan, population 80%+ Palestinian) and the Egyptians, who wanted the land vacated by the Turks after World War One, when their 1000+ year occupation came to an end.
(Don’t forget that Israel was founded not only Jews wanting a safe homeland after the Holocaust, but also by Armenians wanted to escape from the genocide inflicted on them by the Turks during and after WW1).
Given that the Palestinians have been dedicated to the destruction of Israel for several decades, so it will interesting to note how this new state of war changes things - at least it would mean that the Palestinians recognise that Israel exists!

The Role of Bishops

The Priesthood

Gay marriage

Gay Marriage

Women priests II

Isn't that like saying "Biker gangs are a bit girly, so we struggle to attract many blokes" ?

Women priests