Abortion

A young lady visits the doctor . . .

I want you to kill my baby please.

That’s a horrible thing to say. Why?

He’s inconvenient. It’s not the right time for me to have a baby. I cannot cope. My social life will be ruined. My boyfriend will not support me. Life’s just terrible.

I’m afraid I shall have to report your feelings to social services and the police. How old is the baby?

15 weeks.

I’m sorry, but as a doctor I must think of the child. It is my job to preserve life, not to kill.

But please don’t report me – I came to you for help.

Where is the child now?

Still inside me of course. Life begins at conception. I’m 15 weeks pregnant.

Oh, I see! That’s different. A week on Tuesday OK for the termination?

Gay marriage

The passing of the gay marriage act

Hurray! Now we can all marry whoever we want!

Great news! I’ll marry Carol Vorderman, then.

But she’s already married.

But you just said we can marry whoever we want.

Oh. Well, what I meant was: we can all marry whoever we want as long as they’re not already married to someone else.

OK. Not Carol Vorderman, then. I’ll marry Nigella Lawson.

How do you know Nigella Lawson?

I’ve never even met her, but you just said we can marry whoever we want as long as they’re not already married to someone else.

Well, what I meant was: we can all marry whoever we want as long as they’re not already married to someone else, AND you know them (and they want to marry you).

OK. Not Nigella Lawson either. I know - I’ll marry my sister.

You can’t marry your sister.

Go on – why not?

OK. We can all marry whoever we want as long as they’re not already married to someone else, and you know them, and they want to marry you, AND you’re not a close relative.

Hold on! You’re already married!

So?

Right. Listen. We can all marry whoever we want as long as they’re not already married to someone else, and you know them, and they want to marry you, and you’re not a close relative, and you’re not already married.

So we can’t actually marry whoever we want?

No, I suppose not.

I thought it was all so simple now!